Boasso Promises to Nationalize Tide Plants

"One of my heroes, Hugo Chavez has been doing that kind of thing in Venezuela, why not here? And don't they have a big Mardi Gras down there, too?" Walter Boasso asked as he presented a plan to nationalize all Tide plants in the United States and create universal detergent care for all Louisiana citizens.

Boasso has also talked about a trip to Venezuela after being elected to visit Chavez and promote the sale of Zaterains and perhaps open truck parade float sales to South America. "Hey, Kathleen went to visit her hero Castro, why can't I go visit mine. It would be a big boost to the Louisiana economy, all them Colombians down there in Venezuela having big shrimp boils at Mardi Gras in Rio while they watch the truck parades."

Boasso has been focusing on international trade issues after a recent cruise to the Caribbean where he noticed that there were no Popeye's anywhere down there.

Come to Louisiana and Kill the Elderly

The results of several cases recently has shown that Louisiana is the number one state in America to come to if you want to kill your problem elderly. Whether you use drugs or just flood them out, whatever method you use, Louisiana is THE PLACE to get rid of grandma, grampa, or that crazy old aunt. And while you are at it, why not go ahead with that abortion your teen has been wanting.

Boasso to Bring Jobs in Shrimp Trucks to North Lousiana

"You know what youse guys' problem is?" 50 points behind gubernatorial candidate Walter Boasso told a crowd of ten or so in Harrisonburg, LA. "You don't got shrimp boils like in Chalmette. When I am governor I am going to make sure the shrimp trucks make it up here. This will result in massive sales of Zaterains at your local food stores and create an economic boom."

In addition to his plan for a shrimp boil boom resulting from the lifting of the tariff from Zaterains, Boasso also stressed his platform of deregulating Mardi Gras truck parades, bringing back Jax beer, and returning Nash and Morgus to TV."

After he left, one local man was heard to say,"We can't drink much beer, our pastor wouldn't allow that. By the way, who the hell is Nash and Morgus?"

Boasso did not mention his policy of making all intersections "No Left Turn" because of recent polls that showed this unpopular in North Louisiana.

Jena 6 Update

Jena High School has banned T-shirts supporting the rights of minority students to gather in groups and beat defensless majority students to almost to death. No doubt the ACLU will soon step into this stop on the hate parade. The ACLU will probably want beatings manditory for any majority student caught praying.

Bush Celebrates Anniversary, Complements Talk Show Host.

President Bush was in New Orleans today to celebrate a very special anniversary. Forty-five years ago Kid Galahad starring Elvis Presley was released. While arriving at the airport, he met this guy and told him, "Montell, love what you're doin' with the show. You think maybe we could sneak in some of Cheney's DNA next time you do one of those 'who's the baby-daddy?" shows, just as a joke."

The press corps also mentioned that is was the second anniversary of whining by people too stupid to get out of the rain and too lazy to get a job.

Krewe of Hate Parade Continues

The Krew of Hate, lead by their king, King Walter the Village Idiot, continues on. First the Jack Murtha inspired "Hate the Troops" commertials. Now commercials starring the Burger King making fun of the "Brown Boy". They are also planning a series of commercials against Bobby Jindal featuring the greatest crime a human could commit-he is Catholic.

Democrats in Louisiana have always been middle of the road, they never embraced the left-wing kook side of the party. Boasso and his cronies have shoved that side down their throat, and may have done serious damage to Louisiana Democrats by taking them too far left and alienating Christian and open-minded moderates.

Sharpton to Bring Travelling Hate Show to Jena

The Reverend (excuse me for a moment-ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,) will be in Jena to shake down the locals and defend the right of thugs to gang up and beat others almost to death. Sharpton was recently in Atlanta defending the rights of adults to have oral sex with minors.

Having been to Jena, I hate to disappoint the Reverand (one minute-ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha) but there isnt' much money there to shake down. You would have done better trying to shake down one of the larger towns like Shreveport or Alexandria.

It is Official-BOASSO IS IGNORANT

Last place gobernatorial candidate Walter Boasso proved beyond a shadow of the doubt this week that he is the stupidest man running for governor. Boasso began running a series of hate-filled anti-Bush/Jindal commercials supporting islamic terrorists and trashing the troops. Someone needs to tell Bozo-THE GOVERNOR OF LOUISIANA HAS NO CONTROL OVER UNITED STATES TROOP DEPLOYMENT AND FOREIGN POLICY.

All this is was a pitiful attempt to attract the kook frindge of the left and their donations. It is also a disgraceful insult to our brave men serving in uniform.

Lurch Giddy over Vitter's Problems

Senator John F. Kerry, who served in Vietnam, is thrilled to death about David Vitter's marital problems. He has been running around telling dirty limericks about Vitter to anyone that would listen. We would repeat them, but this is a family blog.

It begs the question, what is the difference between Vitter and a prostitute and Kerry and Teresa? We don't know.

Blanco Vetoes Bill to Keep School Kids Safe

In an effort to make sure that as many school children are placed in an unsafe environment and prevent them from praying, Governor Blanco vetoed a bill that would have given tax credits to parents with children in private and church schools. The governor felt that it would be unthinkable to remove children from an environment where there was a high risk of violence to one where education would be encouraged. Civil libertarians praised Blanco for removing the risk that a child might hear the name Jesus. The governor hopes that this will keep as many teen girls in institutions where defective condoms are passed out and they can have more abortions, without parental notification.

Breck Girl to Visit N.O.

Presidential hopeful John Edwards will be in New Orleans to look at people that can't afford $400 haircuts and 28,000 square foot houses. While on his tour, his car will feature his newest bumper sticker "Ask Me About My Wife's Cancer" which he has placed alongside his "Ask Me About My Dead Child" bumper sticker.

Mr. Edwards plans on also visiting the far side of Bourbon Street, where tourists are told to avoid, and there are many bars where he will surely be welcome. Wear the leather thong Johnny Boy.

Hillary Makes History in New Orleans

Hillary Clinton (shown above with the nosey wife off the Cosby Show) made history this weekend in New Orleans when she became the first white person ever to attend the Essence Festival. The former First Lady told the crowd that she was "gonna make Obama my biyatch" and that ever since she was in Arkansas she "was down with the struggle on the streets, fightin' the man." When asked what her first days in office were going to be like, she said, "When I'm Presidissle, we gonna have one big party at the White Hissle, you know what I'm talkin' about."