Boasso to Announce Education Plan

Bottom tier candidate for governor Walter Boasso is set to unveil his education plan next week. We can only hope it includes him going back to school since he is unable to make any sense everytime he opens his mouth. Mostly just some grunts.

2nd Justice Brother Brings Parade of Hate to Jena

The 2nd half of The Justice Brothers, the Reverand (yeah, right) Jessie Jackson (shown above with some local trouble maker) will be visiting Jena, LA today to defend the right of minority students to gather in gangs and beat other students nearly to death. Earlier this year the other Justice Brother came to Jena to spread hate (see below). With a track record of defending the actions of such saints as Tawana Brawley, the Duke accuser/stripper, and the guy in Atlanta that likes to have oral sex with fifteen year olds, this pretty much proves the Jena 6 thugs are guilty.

We always thought that area was a poorer part of the state, but with the Justice Brothers showing up, there must be some money to be shaken down somewhere around there. And it must be pretty good, Jessie don't shake down for less than six figures.

Boasso Promises to Nationalize Tide Plants

"One of my heroes, Hugo Chavez has been doing that kind of thing in Venezuela, why not here? And don't they have a big Mardi Gras down there, too?" Walter Boasso asked as he presented a plan to nationalize all Tide plants in the United States and create universal detergent care for all Louisiana citizens.

Boasso has also talked about a trip to Venezuela after being elected to visit Chavez and promote the sale of Zaterains and perhaps open truck parade float sales to South America. "Hey, Kathleen went to visit her hero Castro, why can't I go visit mine. It would be a big boost to the Louisiana economy, all them Colombians down there in Venezuela having big shrimp boils at Mardi Gras in Rio while they watch the truck parades."

Boasso has been focusing on international trade issues after a recent cruise to the Caribbean where he noticed that there were no Popeye's anywhere down there.

Come to Louisiana and Kill the Elderly

The results of several cases recently has shown that Louisiana is the number one state in America to come to if you want to kill your problem elderly. Whether you use drugs or just flood them out, whatever method you use, Louisiana is THE PLACE to get rid of grandma, grampa, or that crazy old aunt. And while you are at it, why not go ahead with that abortion your teen has been wanting.

Boasso to Bring Jobs in Shrimp Trucks to North Lousiana

"You know what youse guys' problem is?" 50 points behind gubernatorial candidate Walter Boasso told a crowd of ten or so in Harrisonburg, LA. "You don't got shrimp boils like in Chalmette. When I am governor I am going to make sure the shrimp trucks make it up here. This will result in massive sales of Zaterains at your local food stores and create an economic boom."

In addition to his plan for a shrimp boil boom resulting from the lifting of the tariff from Zaterains, Boasso also stressed his platform of deregulating Mardi Gras truck parades, bringing back Jax beer, and returning Nash and Morgus to TV."

After he left, one local man was heard to say,"We can't drink much beer, our pastor wouldn't allow that. By the way, who the hell is Nash and Morgus?"

Boasso did not mention his policy of making all intersections "No Left Turn" because of recent polls that showed this unpopular in North Louisiana.

Jena 6 Update

Jena High School has banned T-shirts supporting the rights of minority students to gather in groups and beat defensless majority students to almost to death. No doubt the ACLU will soon step into this stop on the hate parade. The ACLU will probably want beatings manditory for any majority student caught praying.