Lurch Giddy over Vitter's Problems

Senator John F. Kerry, who served in Vietnam, is thrilled to death about David Vitter's marital problems. He has been running around telling dirty limericks about Vitter to anyone that would listen. We would repeat them, but this is a family blog.

It begs the question, what is the difference between Vitter and a prostitute and Kerry and Teresa? We don't know.

Blanco Vetoes Bill to Keep School Kids Safe

In an effort to make sure that as many school children are placed in an unsafe environment and prevent them from praying, Governor Blanco vetoed a bill that would have given tax credits to parents with children in private and church schools. The governor felt that it would be unthinkable to remove children from an environment where there was a high risk of violence to one where education would be encouraged. Civil libertarians praised Blanco for removing the risk that a child might hear the name Jesus. The governor hopes that this will keep as many teen girls in institutions where defective condoms are passed out and they can have more abortions, without parental notification.

Breck Girl to Visit N.O.

Presidential hopeful John Edwards will be in New Orleans to look at people that can't afford $400 haircuts and 28,000 square foot houses. While on his tour, his car will feature his newest bumper sticker "Ask Me About My Wife's Cancer" which he has placed alongside his "Ask Me About My Dead Child" bumper sticker.

Mr. Edwards plans on also visiting the far side of Bourbon Street, where tourists are told to avoid, and there are many bars where he will surely be welcome. Wear the leather thong Johnny Boy.

Hillary Makes History in New Orleans

Hillary Clinton (shown above with the nosey wife off the Cosby Show) made history this weekend in New Orleans when she became the first white person ever to attend the Essence Festival. The former First Lady told the crowd that she was "gonna make Obama my biyatch" and that ever since she was in Arkansas she "was down with the struggle on the streets, fightin' the man." When asked what her first days in office were going to be like, she said, "When I'm Presidissle, we gonna have one big party at the White Hissle, you know what I'm talkin' about."